Billiards, a First and a Road Trip

We went to shoot pool one other evening. It was the time when I learned the first words in his language. They don't seem to have a very diverse vocabulary for swearing. Like 5 words, which they mix and match. Yeah, I am quite a good pool player. And he wasn't, at the time.
We were a bit crazy and very much into each other. The room smelled ... let's say... heavy. I don't suppose they ever opened the window or anything. Too hot during the days, or paranoid someone might get in and steal something if they weren't in; too noisy during the nights. Anyway, it was the first time, it was a bit awkward, but still extremely special. It felt like he had never done that before, although he said he had... I was to find that out a few months later.
The date of his leaving was approaching quite rapidly. the insecurity of it all, increasing rapidly as well. What would happen after he took off and continue his life thousands of km away? Then one day, while having coffee in my office, somehow we found ourselves looking at flights. Ten minutes later, I had a ticket to go visit him. For a month, two months after his leaving. One of the happiest days, that was.
The weekend before his leaving, we went on a road trip. We drove through half of the country, went to the highest mountains. The road was amazing, there even was snow taller than the car on the side of the road; he was impressed. The pictures were great.. he came up with this idea of taking long exposure photos of the river. With him standing in the water. He was a good poser, and apparently Very resistant to cold. It was a mountain river, after all... We went to the other mountains as well, the beautiful jewel of the valley royal palace (technically, the royal summer cottage..). Even the famous creepy castle from the movies... We drove home from there in one go. It took... long. I don't remember, like 15hours or so. We stopped near a lake and took one picture of us looking at each other, camera was on the car. It's etched in my brain, like so many others. But that one, it's special, even now, after all these years.

Apple trip

The place with the apple name, near the mountains.
It's worse than I thought. I remember the trip, the photos, the little kitties. It was a not so hot, but extremely humid day, which made it so hard to breathe. It felt like it was 60°C. But for the life of me, I can't remember where we slept... I have a notion of it being in a tent near the house, for my friends said something about the place not being inhabitable. I felt it a tad rude at the time, but I ignored it and didn't take any offence in it... I like tents, after all. I love sleeping in a tent, the smell of the tent, the fresh air, the sound of rain...
We walked around, it rained, we walked some more, we grilled, we chatted, we laughed, we took photos of all of us by the lake.
We found a litter of baby kittens, they were so incredibly cute... Pictures again. Thank god for my camera, it helps me remember...

Countryside trip

We went with my friends to the countryside. It was a weekend. We went by train, then we got picked up in the small train station. The place is so remote, the road not too good to get there, no phone reception. What else could you ask for? There was a lot of beer in our cars. And wine. I remember his friend, K, that evening, with about 6-8 beers in front of him, all of them opened and unfinished, drinking from a random one each time he took a sip... It was a rough day for him after that.
My guy was sick. It was about 2-3 weeks since his arrival and he couldn't keep anything in. Not even water. I was worried out of my mind. We gave him all kinds of light food, tea, anything we could think of. In typical male fashion, he bore through it, without once hinting or accepting a hint at a doctor. It was a long day, probably even longer for him. Luckily it was over in one day. He was fine the next morning..

Fortress, Birthday

One weekend we went to a small ruined fortress near the city. I remember it was a sunny and warm day. It was in May. Took pictures. He was so shy, barely looked at the camera. I understand that, it's quite intimidating, even to me, even now.. We sat in the sun in the grass, we talked. The kisses tasted just as good...

My birthday came along, I was with G on the river shore. She took pictures of me... I still absolutely love the pictures from that day; especially the ones she took after he came to meet me there. In all the pictures he was looking at me, touching my face, my hair. His smile. My hair looked horrible, but I couldn't have been happier. Thank you, G. I still have them..

Later in the day, at my place, playing with the dogs. Our really BIG dogs.. I didn't know at the time he was allergic to dogs. He loved playing with them, he was so open and happy that afternoon..

My birthday party came along, the weekend after that. I guess presents are not a big thing in his country. I didn't get one. Nor flowers, for that matter. I invented a present from him, to tell my parents. I just didn't want to hear more negative things from them about this whole thing..

Jill

I am Jill's mashed up brain. I am Jill's disturbed dreams.
I should definitely try to sleep better. And for sleep's sake, stop dreaming of him.

A bit of Rain, Jazz, Irish and One Thunder storm

After the (I have to admit) quite crappy, instant coffee, the chatting continued. Turns out the other student had his girlfriend visiting. So then I asked him "How about your girlfriend?" and he said "I don't have one :) ".

We chose one day to go out to this jazz club. It was a rainy day, but when I asked if he still wants to go on that weather, he said the leather jacket will keep him from getting wet. So out we went. He was a bit shy and quiet at first. But I found out he loved to travel and ski. Then we went to an Irish pub. There he was not so shy anymore. We were having a really good time. After a drink in the Irish, we headed towards home, walking. We stopped in a park and with a thunderstorm grumbling in the background, we kissed. Best kiss I had ever had. I still remember the taste.

Roof day

"Do you remember that day on the roof?" - MK
"Yes, of course I do..." - Me
"Did you feel it then?... Because I felt it." - MK

It was 2006. Beginning of May. Monday morning. No coffee, when the prof called and asked us to open the door on the roof to show it to two Finnish exchange students. Something weird just seemed to click then. A bit shy. The kind of man that doesn't know how hot he is.
A few days later, we met them again in front of the dean's office. Exchanged msn ID's. Started chatting a bit. Then I asked him to come for coffee. While he was on his way, I could only think "let him be the one with the glasses and longer hair, let him be the one with the glasses and longer hair..". And he was.

Because

Starting this blog now. Hopefully will contain small memories, people, places, things to remember. Just in case. In case someday I will look around me and ask "Who the F are you people and where is my horse?".
I hope I will have remembered to show this to someone by then.

1

What We Are is the sum of everything that we have ever said, done, felt. A sum of memories and strings of feelings and sensations tied to those memories. When we forget, those strings are damaged and our memory is broken.